1 00:00:08,800 --> 00:00:12,050 ♪ I'm goin' down to South Park, gonna have myself a time ♪ 2 00:00:12,050 --> 00:00:13,890 ♪ Friendly faces everywhere ♪ 3 00:00:13,890 --> 00:00:15,640 ♪ Humble folks without temptation ♪ 4 00:00:15,640 --> 00:00:18,730 ♪ Goin' down to South Park, gonna leave my woes behind ♪ 5 00:00:18,730 --> 00:00:20,270 ♪ Ample parking day or night ♪ 6 00:00:20,270 --> 00:00:22,110 ♪ People spouting, "howdy, neighbor!" ♪ 7 00:00:22,110 --> 00:00:25,280 ♪ Heading on up to South Park, gonna see if I can't unwind ♪ 8 00:00:25,280 --> 00:00:28,780 ♪ Mrph rmhmhm rm! Mrph rmhmhm rm! ♪ 9 00:00:28,780 --> 00:00:32,740 ♪ Come on down to South Park and meet some friends of mine ♪ 10 00:00:40,120 --> 00:00:41,370 See, Stan? You gotta choose 11 00:00:41,370 --> 00:00:43,250 if you wanna be in Gryffindor or Slytherin. 12 00:00:43,250 --> 00:00:45,210 Yeah, can I do it? 13 00:00:45,210 --> 00:00:47,300 Yeah, see, you gotta fight these fairy guys. 14 00:00:47,300 --> 00:00:48,470 Randy. 15 00:00:49,880 --> 00:00:51,130 Randy! 16 00:00:51,130 --> 00:00:52,640 The powder room toilet is broken. 17 00:00:52,640 --> 00:00:54,050 Again! 18 00:00:54,050 --> 00:00:55,510 Did you jiggle the handle? 19 00:00:55,510 --> 00:00:56,970 Yes, I jiggled the handle. 20 00:00:56,970 --> 00:00:58,770 Will you come fix this, please? 21 00:00:58,770 --> 00:01:01,140 Okay, okay. 22 00:01:06,730 --> 00:01:08,530 Huh, well, let's see. 23 00:01:08,530 --> 00:01:12,240 It's gotta be the little black floaty thingie. 24 00:01:12,240 --> 00:01:13,490 What'd you do to it? 25 00:01:13,490 --> 00:01:15,160 I didn't do anything. 26 00:01:15,160 --> 00:01:16,450 Lemme see if there's water in the bowl. 27 00:01:16,450 --> 00:01:18,500 No! Don't lift the lid. 28 00:01:18,500 --> 00:01:20,210 Why can't I lift the lid? 29 00:01:20,210 --> 00:01:23,210 Don't, Randy! Uh-huh. 30 00:01:23,210 --> 00:01:25,170 Hey, guys! Your mom took a shit 31 00:01:25,170 --> 00:01:26,710 and doesn't want me to see it. 32 00:01:26,710 --> 00:01:28,670 Ew! Gross, Dad! 33 00:01:28,670 --> 00:01:31,380 Randy! We need to get a new toilet. 34 00:01:31,380 --> 00:01:33,930 We can't just get rid of ol' blue, Sharon. 35 00:01:33,930 --> 00:01:35,470 This is embarrassing. 36 00:01:35,470 --> 00:01:38,430 It's the powder room toilet, the one guests use. 37 00:01:38,430 --> 00:01:40,020 You get a new toilet, Randy, 38 00:01:40,020 --> 00:01:43,020 or I'm not helping you sell weed anymore! 39 00:01:43,020 --> 00:01:45,400 Alright, alright. Sharon, you win. 40 00:01:45,400 --> 00:01:46,560 As usual. 41 00:01:48,610 --> 00:01:49,820 Poor ol' Blue. 42 00:01:58,030 --> 00:01:59,790 Can I help you with anything? 43 00:01:59,790 --> 00:02:02,580 Oh, yeah, just lookin' for a new toilet to replace Ol' Blue. 44 00:02:02,580 --> 00:02:04,710 Alright, well, all our toilets here are standard bowl, 45 00:02:04,710 --> 00:02:05,880 come with full warranty. 46 00:02:05,880 --> 00:02:07,170 How much you looking to spend? 47 00:02:07,170 --> 00:02:08,500 Well I'm not poor. 48 00:02:08,500 --> 00:02:10,550 I happen to have my own weed business. 49 00:02:10,550 --> 00:02:12,880 So that's pretty much the nicest one you have, right? 50 00:02:12,880 --> 00:02:14,470 Yeah, that's probably the top model, you know, 51 00:02:14,470 --> 00:02:18,010 before you start getting into the Japanese toilets. 52 00:02:18,010 --> 00:02:19,350 Japanese toilets? 53 00:02:19,350 --> 00:02:21,060 Yeah, they're the sort of the super-high-class 54 00:02:21,060 --> 00:02:22,680 luxury models with all the bells and whistles. 55 00:02:22,680 --> 00:02:25,400 But you probably don't wanna spend that kind of money. 56 00:02:25,400 --> 00:02:27,110 I'm not poor. 57 00:02:27,110 --> 00:02:29,860 Oh, well, we can show them to you. 58 00:02:29,860 --> 00:02:32,070 The Japanese toilets are right over there. 59 00:02:37,820 --> 00:02:39,080 Hi, Rick. This gentleman 60 00:02:39,080 --> 00:02:40,870 would like to see the Japanese toilets. 61 00:02:40,870 --> 00:02:43,080 Well, of course, sir. My name is Rick. 62 00:02:43,080 --> 00:02:45,080 Let me know if there's anything you need. 63 00:02:47,290 --> 00:02:49,460 These toilets are all equipped with the highest-end features, 64 00:02:49,460 --> 00:02:51,250 including an automatic bidet system, 65 00:02:51,250 --> 00:02:53,760 bluetooth capability, and seat warmers. 66 00:02:53,760 --> 00:02:56,050 Seat warmers? 67 00:02:56,050 --> 00:02:57,760 And the toilet senses when you've come into the room, 68 00:02:57,760 --> 00:02:59,970 turns on a small light, plays welcome music, 69 00:02:59,970 --> 00:03:01,640 and raises the lid for you. 70 00:03:01,640 --> 00:03:04,350 Can I offer you come sparkling water or champagne? 71 00:03:04,350 --> 00:03:06,600 Oh, sure, I'll take some champagne. 72 00:03:06,600 --> 00:03:08,560 All the toilet's functions are operated 73 00:03:08,560 --> 00:03:10,570 by a touch-button remote which you mount 74 00:03:10,570 --> 00:03:12,780 where the toilet-paper roll used to go. 75 00:03:12,780 --> 00:03:14,860 So then where do you keep the toilet paper? 76 00:03:14,860 --> 00:03:18,200 With a Japanese toilet, you don't need toilet paper. 77 00:03:18,200 --> 00:03:20,700 The toilet washes you completely clean. 78 00:03:22,830 --> 00:03:24,200 You're mad. 79 00:03:24,200 --> 00:03:26,000 No, it's true. 80 00:03:26,000 --> 00:03:27,750 It has warm water and a dryer 81 00:03:27,750 --> 00:03:30,590 and cleans you eight times better than toilet paper can. 82 00:03:32,500 --> 00:03:34,960 Would you like to take one for a test drive? 83 00:03:34,960 --> 00:03:36,170 Oh, uh, sure. 84 00:03:36,170 --> 00:03:38,220 I did have kind of a big breakfast. 85 00:03:38,220 --> 00:03:39,800 Right over here. 86 00:03:55,440 --> 00:03:56,950 {\an8}Oh, yeah ♪ 87 00:03:59,110 --> 00:04:01,370 I, I, I ♪ 88 00:04:01,370 --> 00:04:02,990 Oh. 89 00:04:04,580 --> 00:04:05,580 Oh, yeah ♪ 90 00:04:07,210 --> 00:04:09,500 Ooh. Oh, oh! Oh. 91 00:04:09,500 --> 00:04:10,920 Ahhh! 92 00:04:10,920 --> 00:04:13,040 Oh, oh! 93 00:04:20,340 --> 00:04:22,470 Ohh! Oh. 94 00:04:27,230 --> 00:04:30,980 Okay, how much? 95 00:04:30,980 --> 00:04:34,400 Guys, I wanted to talk to you because I want you all 96 00:04:34,400 --> 00:04:36,860 to think about how we're viewed as a family. 97 00:04:38,440 --> 00:04:41,200 You know, as a prominent weed dealer, we are successful, 98 00:04:41,200 --> 00:04:43,830 and we're sort of looked up to in this town 99 00:04:43,830 --> 00:04:47,830 because we have nice things that most families can't afford. 100 00:04:47,830 --> 00:04:49,910 I mean, Stan, you're playing "Hogwarts Legacy" 101 00:04:49,910 --> 00:04:51,540 on PS5, right? 102 00:04:51,540 --> 00:04:53,630 You're playing "Hogwarts Legacy" on a PS5. 103 00:04:53,630 --> 00:04:56,090 Yeah, my-- my point is that most people in town 104 00:04:56,090 --> 00:04:57,670 don't even have a PS5. 105 00:04:57,670 --> 00:04:59,220 They still have PS4s, 106 00:04:59,220 --> 00:05:02,640 and so we're basically the Kennedys of South Park. 107 00:05:03,930 --> 00:05:07,060 And the plain fact is that well-off families 108 00:05:07,060 --> 00:05:08,470 have nice things, 109 00:05:08,470 --> 00:05:10,560 and we shouldn't be ashamed of that. 110 00:05:15,110 --> 00:05:18,280 Hajimemashite. Japanese Torei des! 111 00:05:18,280 --> 00:05:20,400 Uh, yes, thank you. Bring it on in. 112 00:05:20,400 --> 00:05:23,490 Delivery men: Kyo fun yori! Kro fun yori! 113 00:05:23,490 --> 00:05:28,490 Kyo fun yori! Kro fun yori! Kro fun yori! 114 00:05:28,490 --> 00:05:31,290 That's the new toilet? How much did it cost? 115 00:05:31,290 --> 00:05:33,960 Oh, Sharon. Tennish. 116 00:05:33,960 --> 00:05:36,500 What's tennish? 117 00:05:36,500 --> 00:05:38,710 Thousandish. Ten thousandish. 118 00:05:38,710 --> 00:05:41,920 You spent $10,000 on a toilet?! 119 00:05:41,920 --> 00:05:44,180 We don't have that kind of money, Randy! 120 00:05:44,180 --> 00:05:45,470 Yeah, we do. 121 00:05:45,470 --> 00:05:47,390 Shitsurei Shimasu! Owarimashita. 122 00:05:47,390 --> 00:05:49,270 Okay, yeah, right here? Okay. 123 00:05:52,690 --> 00:05:54,770 Doomo! Aringanto gozaimashita! 124 00:05:54,770 --> 00:05:56,610 Aringato gozaimashita! 125 00:05:56,610 --> 00:05:58,070 K, thanks. 126 00:06:03,360 --> 00:06:05,780 You are taking that back to the store. 127 00:06:05,780 --> 00:06:07,120 Try it, Sharon. 128 00:06:07,120 --> 00:06:08,580 I don't need to, Randy. I want-- 129 00:06:08,580 --> 00:06:10,200 Try it, Sharon! 130 00:06:19,210 --> 00:06:21,300 Oh, yeah ♪ 131 00:06:21,300 --> 00:06:23,130 Oh. Oh. 132 00:06:23,130 --> 00:06:24,510 I, I, I ♪ 133 00:06:24,510 --> 00:06:26,890 Oh! Ohh! 134 00:06:26,890 --> 00:06:28,390 Ah-ha-ha! 135 00:06:28,390 --> 00:06:29,430 I wanna try it. 136 00:06:29,430 --> 00:06:30,640 Shhh! 137 00:06:30,640 --> 00:06:32,020 Ah-ho-ho! 138 00:06:32,020 --> 00:06:34,310 Ohh! 139 00:06:39,820 --> 00:06:41,280 Oh, look, there he goes. 140 00:06:41,280 --> 00:06:42,990 It's Mr. Big Shot. 141 00:06:44,780 --> 00:06:46,570 Hey, Richie Rich. You eating caviar 142 00:06:46,570 --> 00:06:48,200 for lunch today, Richie Rich? 143 00:06:52,250 --> 00:06:55,160 Stan, just so you know, nobody gives a shit. 144 00:06:57,130 --> 00:06:58,420 About what? 145 00:06:58,420 --> 00:06:59,750 Come on, guys! 146 00:07:02,590 --> 00:07:04,970 Did you know some people can't even afford to eat? 147 00:07:04,970 --> 00:07:07,890 How about caring for something that matters, you bitch? 148 00:07:09,350 --> 00:07:10,760 What the fuck? 149 00:07:10,760 --> 00:07:13,470 Hey, Stan, you really have to be careful. 150 00:07:13,470 --> 00:07:15,060 Of what? 151 00:07:15,060 --> 00:07:17,100 Look, it's great that you come from a wealthy family, 152 00:07:17,100 --> 00:07:19,230 but people don't like getting their noses rubbed in it. 153 00:07:19,230 --> 00:07:21,940 Dude, I haven't even said anything! 154 00:07:21,940 --> 00:07:23,820 Well, your dad called everyone last night 155 00:07:23,820 --> 00:07:26,070 and told them you have a $10,000 toilet. 156 00:07:26,070 --> 00:07:27,320 What?! 157 00:07:28,910 --> 00:07:31,490 Well, thanks for having us over for brunch, Randy. 158 00:07:31,490 --> 00:07:33,950 Yeah, what's the special occasion? 159 00:07:33,950 --> 00:07:37,170 Oh, you know, just good times with dear friends. 160 00:07:37,170 --> 00:07:39,420 Does anyone need to go to the bathroom? 161 00:07:39,420 --> 00:07:41,040 Uh, no, I'm-- I'm good. 162 00:07:41,040 --> 00:07:42,960 Oh, maybe some more coffee, then. 163 00:07:42,960 --> 00:07:45,340 Can you guys believe all the snow we've gotten? 164 00:07:45,340 --> 00:07:47,470 Yeah, maybe it will actually help with the drought. 165 00:07:47,470 --> 00:07:48,550 Let's hope so. 166 00:07:48,550 --> 00:07:52,050 Does anyone need a bathroom break? 167 00:07:52,050 --> 00:07:54,390 Well, actually, I-I think I could use the restroom. 168 00:07:54,390 --> 00:07:55,890 That was kind of a big breakfast. 169 00:07:55,890 --> 00:07:57,730 Oh! Oh, yeah, sure! It's, uh-- 170 00:07:57,730 --> 00:07:58,730 It's right across the hallway. 171 00:07:58,730 --> 00:08:00,940 Right there. 172 00:08:06,860 --> 00:08:08,700 Butters' Dad: Oh. 173 00:08:08,700 --> 00:08:10,360 What was that? 174 00:08:10,360 --> 00:08:12,910 Oh, that's the welcome music for my Japanese toilet. 175 00:08:12,910 --> 00:08:15,290 I've heard of those. Aren't they expensive? 176 00:08:15,290 --> 00:08:16,750 Yeah, a bit. 177 00:08:16,750 --> 00:08:18,660 But for those of us who can afford it, 178 00:08:18,660 --> 00:08:20,170 it's well worth it. 179 00:08:20,170 --> 00:08:22,080 Oh! Ohhh! 180 00:08:22,080 --> 00:08:24,300 Ohhhh! 181 00:08:24,300 --> 00:08:26,010 He's now turned on the rear jet, 182 00:08:26,010 --> 00:08:28,260 which cleans your bottom with warm water. 183 00:08:28,260 --> 00:08:29,630 Oh. Ohhh! 184 00:08:29,630 --> 00:08:31,930 Ah! That's the front washer 185 00:08:31,930 --> 00:08:34,430 that washes your balls, or vagina. 186 00:08:36,850 --> 00:08:39,390 If you think about it, a dry piece of toilet paper 187 00:08:39,390 --> 00:08:42,020 can't clean you half as well as pressurized water. 188 00:08:42,020 --> 00:08:43,690 I feel bad that most people have to walk around 189 00:08:43,690 --> 00:08:45,400 with fecal matter on their anus, 190 00:08:45,400 --> 00:08:46,860 but I'm just lucky 191 00:08:46,860 --> 00:08:48,820 I've sold enough weed to be able not to. 192 00:08:48,820 --> 00:08:51,490 But was it really luck? Or was it hard work? 193 00:08:51,490 --> 00:08:53,070 Heck, I don't know, but you know-- 194 00:08:53,070 --> 00:08:54,700 Dad, can I talk to you?! 195 00:08:54,700 --> 00:08:56,700 Stan? You're back from school already? 196 00:08:56,700 --> 00:08:59,370 I need to talk to you right now! 197 00:08:59,370 --> 00:09:00,580 The fuck are you doing?! 198 00:09:00,580 --> 00:09:02,040 Fuck are you doing? 199 00:09:02,040 --> 00:09:04,130 You need to stop gloating to everybody! 200 00:09:04,130 --> 00:09:05,800 I am not gloating. 201 00:09:05,800 --> 00:09:06,960 Yes, you are, and now kids at school 202 00:09:06,960 --> 00:09:09,220 are calling me Richie Rich! 203 00:09:09,220 --> 00:09:10,760 They are? 204 00:09:10,760 --> 00:09:12,260 Nobody cares about your stupid toilet 205 00:09:12,260 --> 00:09:14,050 and you're acting like a jerk. 206 00:09:14,050 --> 00:09:18,100 I'm acting like a jerk because I'm trying to help people?! 207 00:09:18,100 --> 00:09:20,060 How are you trying to help people, Dad? 208 00:09:20,060 --> 00:09:23,480 Because the people don't know that these toilets are awesome, 209 00:09:23,480 --> 00:09:25,690 and I'm just, like, the well-respected guy 210 00:09:25,690 --> 00:09:28,480 who's trying to open people's eyes like JFK. 211 00:09:28,480 --> 00:09:31,570 You are not like JFK! 212 00:09:31,570 --> 00:09:33,030 You're just showing off! 213 00:09:33,030 --> 00:09:36,870 Nu-uh, I'm like JFK 'cause I am trying to change things! 214 00:09:36,870 --> 00:09:39,330 You're part of a very respected family, Stan. 215 00:09:39,330 --> 00:09:41,540 You should start acting like it. 216 00:09:41,540 --> 00:09:43,540 Okay, who's next? 217 00:09:49,670 --> 00:09:53,720 {\an8}Oh, yeah ♪ 218 00:09:53,720 --> 00:09:55,180 {\an8}I, I, I ♪ 219 00:09:57,890 --> 00:10:02,770 Atashi wa Heia des-u ♪ 220 00:10:02,770 --> 00:10:06,360 Randy singing along: Toire ni iru kara ♪ 221 00:10:06,360 --> 00:10:07,270 Randy? 222 00:10:07,270 --> 00:10:08,770 ♪ Kimochi i i ♪ 223 00:10:08,770 --> 00:10:10,610 Randy! What?! 224 00:10:10,610 --> 00:10:14,160 Your proctologist is here to see you. 225 00:10:14,160 --> 00:10:16,030 My proctologist? 226 00:10:16,030 --> 00:10:17,410 Atashi ♪ 227 00:10:18,450 --> 00:10:19,950 Oh, hey there, Doc. 228 00:10:19,950 --> 00:10:22,250 Well, Randy Marsh, how are ya? 229 00:10:22,250 --> 00:10:24,120 I'm doing great. How are you? 230 00:10:24,120 --> 00:10:26,170 Wonderful! Just been super busy. 231 00:10:26,170 --> 00:10:29,170 I'm actually takin' the wife to Tuscany day after tomorrow. 232 00:10:29,170 --> 00:10:31,050 Tuscany? Wow. Awesome. 233 00:10:31,050 --> 00:10:33,300 Yeah, well, Randy you haven't been in my office 234 00:10:33,300 --> 00:10:35,010 for a few days, so I thought I'd come 235 00:10:35,010 --> 00:10:37,350 do a house call to help you with your hemorrhoids. 236 00:10:37,350 --> 00:10:39,350 Oh! No, Doctor. 237 00:10:39,350 --> 00:10:41,680 I haven't needed to come to your office. 238 00:10:41,680 --> 00:10:44,270 In fact, I don't think I'll be needing your services anymore 239 00:10:44,270 --> 00:10:46,850 since I've gotten a Japanese toilet. 240 00:10:46,850 --> 00:10:48,230 Oh-- Oh, really? 241 00:10:48,230 --> 00:10:50,230 It's completely changed my life. 242 00:10:50,230 --> 00:10:52,230 I'm healthier, I'm less stressed, 243 00:10:52,230 --> 00:10:55,070 and I don't get hemorrhoids 'cause I'm not smearing shit 244 00:10:55,070 --> 00:10:56,910 all over my ass with toilet paper. 245 00:10:56,910 --> 00:10:58,410 Huh. 246 00:10:58,410 --> 00:10:59,700 Here, here. You wanna come see it?! 247 00:11:00,660 --> 00:11:02,330 Go on, check it out. 248 00:11:15,420 --> 00:11:17,390 D-Dr. Sheltair? 249 00:11:19,390 --> 00:11:21,720 Dr. Sheltair?! 250 00:11:21,720 --> 00:11:23,770 You stupid! 251 00:11:23,770 --> 00:11:26,350 You ruined Tuscany! Gah! 252 00:11:26,350 --> 00:11:27,980 Stop it! I hate you! 253 00:11:27,980 --> 00:11:30,310 I hate you! I hate you! 254 00:11:30,310 --> 00:11:32,480 Go on! Get out of here! 255 00:11:32,480 --> 00:11:33,940 How am I supposed to tell my wife 256 00:11:33,940 --> 00:11:36,650 we can't afford to go to Tuscany now?! 257 00:11:36,650 --> 00:11:39,990 I never realized you made so much money off my ass. 258 00:11:39,990 --> 00:11:42,030 Go on. Get. 259 00:11:42,030 --> 00:11:43,660 Get! 260 00:11:53,420 --> 00:11:55,050 Hey, Stan! Stan hold up! 261 00:11:55,050 --> 00:11:56,720 What? 262 00:11:56,720 --> 00:11:58,840 Well, um, you're just a really good friend, Stan, 263 00:11:58,840 --> 00:12:00,970 and-- and I was gonna ask if maybe 264 00:12:00,970 --> 00:12:02,680 I could borrow your plungercost? 265 00:12:02,680 --> 00:12:05,140 What's a plungercost? 266 00:12:05,140 --> 00:12:07,890 when your toilet's nice as yours, Richie Rich! 267 00:12:09,650 --> 00:12:12,310 I did it! I called Stan Richie Rich, too! 268 00:12:12,310 --> 00:12:14,900 That was fun! 269 00:12:17,400 --> 00:12:20,360 Stan, you've got to stop bragging about your toilet. 270 00:12:20,360 --> 00:12:22,200 I'm not bragging about my toilet! 271 00:12:22,200 --> 00:12:24,160 And why is it such a big deal anyway? 272 00:12:24,160 --> 00:12:28,000 It's a big deal, Stan. You just don't understand why. 273 00:12:30,830 --> 00:12:34,420 Have you ever asked yourself why we use toilet paper? 274 00:12:34,420 --> 00:12:37,760 We're told to wash our hands... wear masks in crowds... 275 00:12:37,760 --> 00:12:39,800 but for some reason, when it comes to wiping our ass, 276 00:12:39,800 --> 00:12:42,800 we're told to do it with this little piece of paper. 277 00:12:42,800 --> 00:12:45,350 We are all-- all of us-- walking around right now 278 00:12:45,350 --> 00:12:48,230 with a little bit of shit smeared on our buttholes. 279 00:12:48,230 --> 00:12:50,100 Did you know that 70% of people in the world 280 00:12:50,100 --> 00:12:53,020 don't even use it at all? 281 00:12:53,020 --> 00:12:54,980 70% of the world doesn't use toilet paper? 282 00:12:54,980 --> 00:12:56,940 Look it up. 283 00:12:56,940 --> 00:12:59,570 Most people in the world still use good ol' soap and water. 284 00:12:59,570 --> 00:13:02,450 The average American uses 140 rolls 285 00:13:02,450 --> 00:13:04,370 of toilet paper per year. 286 00:13:04,370 --> 00:13:06,950 Can you even begin to imagine how many trees that is? 287 00:13:06,950 --> 00:13:08,790 To supply the United States its toilet paper, 288 00:13:08,790 --> 00:13:13,630 it takes 31.1 million trees per year. 289 00:13:13,630 --> 00:13:15,460 A million acres per year of precious 290 00:13:15,460 --> 00:13:16,840 Canadian Boreal forest alone, 291 00:13:16,840 --> 00:13:19,630 releasing upwards of 25 metric tons of CO2 292 00:13:19,630 --> 00:13:22,010 and leveling 90% of the land barren. 293 00:13:22,010 --> 00:13:24,640 So, then, why do Americans use it so much? 294 00:13:24,640 --> 00:13:26,600 Well, that's the big question, isn't it? 295 00:13:26,600 --> 00:13:29,270 None of it makes any sense. 296 00:13:29,270 --> 00:13:31,390 Just tell your dad to stop. 297 00:13:31,390 --> 00:13:33,150 Americans don't want to change their toilets 298 00:13:33,150 --> 00:13:35,610 and they never will. 299 00:13:35,610 --> 00:13:38,650 Ladies and gentlemen, we have a public service announcement. 300 00:13:38,650 --> 00:13:41,530 One of our citizens has asked to speak with you. 301 00:13:41,530 --> 00:13:44,450 Please welcome Mr. Randy S. Marsh. 302 00:13:48,830 --> 00:13:51,790 Thank you, Mayor. Thank you, everyone. 303 00:13:51,790 --> 00:13:54,210 You know, the Marshes are a family that try to always 304 00:13:54,210 --> 00:13:55,920 lead by example. 305 00:13:55,920 --> 00:13:59,800 And we know that all of you appreciate that. 306 00:13:59,800 --> 00:14:04,680 Everyone deserves to be clean, and the truth is, you can be. 307 00:14:04,680 --> 00:14:06,350 You might not be the Marshes, 308 00:14:06,350 --> 00:14:09,680 but you can afford a Japanese toilet. 309 00:14:09,680 --> 00:14:12,520 Just not a really nice one like what we have. 310 00:14:12,520 --> 00:14:14,140 If you take into account the money 311 00:14:14,140 --> 00:14:17,440 we all spend on toilet paper, doctors, and hemorrhoid cream, 312 00:14:17,440 --> 00:14:21,820 a Japanese toilet pays for itself in just a few years. 313 00:14:21,820 --> 00:14:25,360 There are actually Japanese toilets made for commoners. 314 00:14:25,360 --> 00:14:27,910 Walmart and Amazon all carry the lower 315 00:14:27,910 --> 00:14:31,450 cost of shitty Japanese toilets that anyone can afford. 316 00:14:31,450 --> 00:14:33,290 There's even these like attachment thingies 317 00:14:33,290 --> 00:14:34,620 for your existing toilet 318 00:14:34,620 --> 00:14:37,170 which will make you feel like a Marsh yourself. 319 00:14:37,170 --> 00:14:39,590 They may not be Nihon No style-ru, 320 00:14:39,590 --> 00:14:42,260 but they are good enough for you guys. 321 00:14:42,260 --> 00:14:47,850 The point is-- even commoners don't need toilet paper anymore! 322 00:14:47,850 --> 00:14:50,470 And, so, I am suggesting that this town puts all-- 323 00:14:52,600 --> 00:14:55,890 Holy shit! 324 00:14:55,890 --> 00:14:57,810 Randy?! Wah! 325 00:15:04,820 --> 00:15:07,660 I'm sorry, but he's in critical condition. 326 00:15:07,660 --> 00:15:09,450 Who shot him? 327 00:15:09,450 --> 00:15:11,290 Nobody knows. 328 00:15:11,290 --> 00:15:13,200 Is he gonna be okay? 329 00:15:13,200 --> 00:15:14,710 He's in a coma. 330 00:15:14,710 --> 00:15:18,250 He's unconscious and just blabbering nonsense. 331 00:15:19,790 --> 00:15:24,550 Bikkuri... Bikkurishita... Taiehn deshou... 332 00:15:24,550 --> 00:15:27,800 Mr. Marsh, your whole family is here. 333 00:15:27,800 --> 00:15:30,720 Your wife, your daughter, and your son. 334 00:15:30,720 --> 00:15:33,350 T-Toire Wa? 335 00:15:33,350 --> 00:15:35,600 No, your toilet is back at the farm. 336 00:15:35,600 --> 00:15:38,770 Taihen ja naaaa.... 337 00:15:38,770 --> 00:15:41,400 Dad, I'm sorry I yelled at you before. 338 00:15:41,400 --> 00:15:44,230 I didn't know you were really trying to help. 339 00:15:44,230 --> 00:15:47,820 Kon-nichi waaa... 340 00:15:49,620 --> 00:15:53,450 - Stan, where are you going? - I let dad down once. 341 00:15:53,450 --> 00:15:55,620 Somebody has to pick up where he left off. 342 00:16:01,290 --> 00:16:03,550 I promise we're doing all we can. 343 00:16:03,550 --> 00:16:04,920 I'm sorry for what happened, 344 00:16:04,920 --> 00:16:06,880 but you need to leave it to the professionals. 345 00:16:06,880 --> 00:16:08,880 There's something more going on here. 346 00:16:08,880 --> 00:16:11,220 I think my dad was on to something and I 347 00:16:11,220 --> 00:16:13,310 didn't listen to him, and now he's in a hospital. 348 00:16:13,310 --> 00:16:14,720 We've already got a few leads 349 00:16:14,720 --> 00:16:16,480 and we're following up on all of them. 350 00:16:16,480 --> 00:16:19,600 I assure you we take this all very seriously. 351 00:16:19,600 --> 00:16:21,520 This isn't a joke to us. 352 00:16:21,520 --> 00:16:23,520 - Chief, hey, Chief! - Yeah? 353 00:16:23,520 --> 00:16:24,900 An angry proctologist walked in 354 00:16:24,900 --> 00:16:26,860 to the toilet section of Home Depot. 355 00:16:26,860 --> 00:16:28,740 Y-Yeah? 356 00:16:28,740 --> 00:16:30,660 Proctologist says to the toilet manager, 357 00:16:30,660 --> 00:16:32,570 "I ain't taking the fall," and pulls a gun 358 00:16:32,570 --> 00:16:34,240 on six Japanese delivery men. 359 00:16:34,240 --> 00:16:35,870 Okay. 360 00:16:35,870 --> 00:16:37,660 So, then, the six Japanese delivery men show up, 361 00:16:37,660 --> 00:16:39,540 and the proctologist has everyone held hostage 362 00:16:39,540 --> 00:16:41,040 and says he's not taking the fall 363 00:16:41,040 --> 00:16:43,340 for the Randy Marsh shooting. 364 00:16:43,340 --> 00:16:44,960 Oh, shit, this is actually happening?! 365 00:16:44,960 --> 00:16:46,880 Come on people let's go! 366 00:16:49,680 --> 00:16:51,470 I ain't going down for this! 367 00:16:51,470 --> 00:16:55,010 You got that, coppers?! I didn't shoot anybody! 368 00:16:55,010 --> 00:16:56,270 But if I'm going down, 369 00:16:56,270 --> 00:16:58,770 I'll take these careless bastards out with me! 370 00:16:58,770 --> 00:17:00,560 Would you like some sparkling water or cham-- 371 00:17:02,690 --> 00:17:04,190 Come on out. 372 00:17:04,190 --> 00:17:07,150 There's no other way, we have you surrounded. 373 00:17:07,150 --> 00:17:09,950 I didn't shoot Randy Marsh! 374 00:17:09,950 --> 00:17:12,740 - Taihen! - Nobody's saying you did! 375 00:17:12,740 --> 00:17:16,030 No, but they're gonna use me as their scapegoat! 376 00:17:16,030 --> 00:17:18,200 They'll fix things like they always do! 377 00:17:18,200 --> 00:17:20,330 - Who will? - They'll use their lawyers 378 00:17:20,330 --> 00:17:22,750 and their power to make it all go away! 379 00:17:22,750 --> 00:17:24,960 Just like they did back when that 2nd grade kid 380 00:17:24,960 --> 00:17:26,920 wrote a story in the school paper about toilets 381 00:17:26,920 --> 00:17:28,210 two years ago! 382 00:17:28,210 --> 00:17:29,800 They'll take me out, too! 383 00:17:29,800 --> 00:17:31,300 There's no stopping them! 384 00:17:31,300 --> 00:17:32,930 Don't do it! 385 00:17:34,680 --> 00:17:36,640 Sabishiiiii! 386 00:17:36,640 --> 00:17:38,350 Aww! Alright move in! 387 00:17:38,350 --> 00:17:40,270 Secure the area. 388 00:17:40,270 --> 00:17:43,520 2nd grade kid two years ago... 389 00:17:43,520 --> 00:17:45,980 Wrote about toilets in the school news paper. 390 00:17:49,820 --> 00:17:53,660 You weren't warning me about people getting upset. 391 00:17:53,660 --> 00:17:55,370 You know more about this. 392 00:17:57,790 --> 00:17:59,450 Hey! 393 00:17:59,450 --> 00:18:01,160 You wrote a story in the school paper 394 00:18:01,160 --> 00:18:02,580 and someone came after you! 395 00:18:02,580 --> 00:18:04,790 Yeah I wrote a story, big deal! 396 00:18:04,790 --> 00:18:07,090 Jimmy, I want to know who shot my dad! 397 00:18:07,090 --> 00:18:09,090 They took everything from me, Stan. 398 00:18:09,090 --> 00:18:11,840 My bike... my cat... 399 00:18:11,840 --> 00:18:13,430 They were gonna sue my parents 400 00:18:13,430 --> 00:18:15,390 for what I wrote in the school paper. 401 00:18:15,390 --> 00:18:18,970 You're talking about the toilet paper companies. 402 00:18:18,970 --> 00:18:21,850 Who has the most to lose? It's all toilet paper, Stan! 403 00:18:21,850 --> 00:18:25,600 Follow the money! 140 rolls per American per year. 404 00:18:25,600 --> 00:18:27,440 Factories pushing out roll after roll 405 00:18:27,440 --> 00:18:29,190 while razing Earth's resources. 406 00:18:29,190 --> 00:18:31,030 All of this for an unsanitary product 407 00:18:31,030 --> 00:18:33,320 that has been proven to contribute to anal fissures. 408 00:18:33,320 --> 00:18:35,030 Don't you get it, man? 409 00:18:35,030 --> 00:18:38,530 Paper doesn't clean bacteria. It can't stop viruses. 410 00:18:38,530 --> 00:18:40,040 With all that information, 411 00:18:40,040 --> 00:18:41,500 you'd think the world health organization 412 00:18:41,500 --> 00:18:43,620 would do studies to find alternatives. 413 00:18:43,620 --> 00:18:45,210 So why don't they? 414 00:18:45,210 --> 00:18:47,330 Because toilet paper is an industry worth 415 00:18:47,330 --> 00:18:50,670 billions and b-billions of dollars. 416 00:18:50,670 --> 00:18:54,930 Kimberly-Clark, Georgia-Pacific, Procter and Gamble. 417 00:18:54,930 --> 00:18:57,510 They don't want Japanese toilets in America 418 00:18:57,510 --> 00:18:59,850 and they have the power to stop them, 419 00:18:59,850 --> 00:19:03,060 and to stop you. 420 00:19:03,060 --> 00:19:05,270 I can't believe they shot my dad... 421 00:19:05,270 --> 00:19:07,810 because he wanted to change things. 422 00:19:07,810 --> 00:19:11,440 These people have deeper pockets than you can possibly imagine. 423 00:19:11,440 --> 00:19:14,780 They can destroy everything you love, Stan. 424 00:19:14,780 --> 00:19:16,360 Take my advice... 425 00:19:16,360 --> 00:19:20,450 Don't. Squeeze. The Charmin. 426 00:19:20,450 --> 00:19:24,290 You might be too scared Jimmy, but I'm a Marsh. 427 00:19:28,790 --> 00:19:30,500 My fellow Americans... 428 00:19:30,500 --> 00:19:32,460 we have been coerced and brain washed. 429 00:19:32,460 --> 00:19:34,010 While the rest of the world walks around 430 00:19:34,010 --> 00:19:36,430 with cleaner buttholes, we are obsessed with dry paper 431 00:19:36,430 --> 00:19:39,340 sold to us by billion-dollar corporations. 432 00:19:39,340 --> 00:19:42,600 - Yeah. - Hey, yeah, he's right! 433 00:19:42,600 --> 00:19:44,930 My father wanted everyone to see that there were alternatives. 434 00:19:44,930 --> 00:19:46,980 But they don't want him talking about alternatives! 435 00:19:46,980 --> 00:19:48,600 Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yea! 436 00:19:48,600 --> 00:19:51,650 And we can't be blindly buying their products anymore. 437 00:19:51,650 --> 00:19:54,150 And as a town, we will find alternatives, 438 00:19:54,150 --> 00:19:55,440 and we will not be afraid to-- 439 00:19:55,440 --> 00:19:57,910 Stop! Stop! We're not doing this! 440 00:19:57,910 --> 00:20:00,280 Dad! Everyone just stop, we're not doing this. 441 00:20:00,280 --> 00:20:02,490 Thank you. South Park, uh, we-we're cutting this short. 442 00:20:02,490 --> 00:20:04,790 I was totally wrong and I want to apologize. 443 00:20:04,790 --> 00:20:06,500 No, dad, it's the toilet paper companies 444 00:20:06,500 --> 00:20:08,120 that are behind all the-- 445 00:20:08,120 --> 00:20:10,330 Yeah, so, uh, w-we have nothing against toilet paper. 446 00:20:10,330 --> 00:20:11,920 It's a great product and, uh, 447 00:20:11,920 --> 00:20:13,550 it was childish of me to make fun of it. 448 00:20:13,550 --> 00:20:15,170 Thanks, though. We'll see ya later. 449 00:20:15,170 --> 00:20:16,630 Dad, we can't just back down. 450 00:20:16,630 --> 00:20:19,010 Bro! I got fucking shot! 451 00:20:20,800 --> 00:20:22,600 Japanese toilets are totally unnecessary, 452 00:20:22,600 --> 00:20:24,310 and, uh, in case anyone else is listening, 453 00:20:24,310 --> 00:20:27,480 I think all of South Park would like to apologize. 454 00:20:27,480 --> 00:20:30,020 We retract what we said about toilet paper companies. 455 00:20:30,020 --> 00:20:33,480 They-- They have done nothing but help us, and we are sorry. 456 00:20:33,480 --> 00:20:36,820 South Park-- everyone-- say you're sorry. 457 00:20:36,820 --> 00:20:39,150 We're sorry. 458 00:20:39,150 --> 00:20:41,320 Okay, great. Come on, guys, let's go home. 459 00:20:41,320 --> 00:20:43,490 What about helping people and leading by example? 460 00:20:43,490 --> 00:20:45,660 We're not the Goddamn Kennedys, Stan. 461 00:20:45,660 --> 00:20:47,290 Stop being an idiot. 462 00:21:12,310 --> 00:21:16,020 Nice to have you back, Ol' Blue. 463 00:21:16,020 --> 00:21:18,780 You know, guys, I'm actually not that sad. 464 00:21:18,780 --> 00:21:21,360 Having a Japanese toilet was great, but... 465 00:21:21,360 --> 00:21:23,200 I've come to realize that, 466 00:21:23,200 --> 00:21:25,780 when you have some big, nice luxury thing, 467 00:21:25,780 --> 00:21:27,700 it eventually just becomes normal. 468 00:21:27,700 --> 00:21:29,750 But you start comparing it to all the other things 469 00:21:29,750 --> 00:21:33,080 in your life which suddenly feel you have to upgrade, too. 470 00:21:33,080 --> 00:21:35,540 So, it's really best to just 471 00:21:35,540 --> 00:21:38,880 stick with the beat-up, crappy old things we have. 472 00:21:38,880 --> 00:21:40,630 Love you forever, Honey.